Am I supposed to grieve if the death was expected?
Yes, even when a death is expected, grief is still real and valid. Anticipation does not take away emotional pain.
Why do I keep thinking "what if"?
After a sudden loss, your mind tries to replay scenarios to understand what happened. This is a normal response to unexpected grief.
Did I cause this in any way? (suicide loss)
No, you are not responsible for the death in any way. These thoughts are common in grief, but they are not true.
Why do I feel mixed emotions at the same time?
Grief can include sadness, anger, relief, love, and confusion all together. These emotions can exist at the same time without canceling each other out.